There really isn't a whole lot that helps me control my anxiety, I just hide the fact I'm suffering from it. Perhaps me hiding it is what causing my headaches, because I'm bottling everything up, who knows? The reason why I keep my anxious moments to myself is because I don't like feeling weak. If I'm going though something I don't often like to ask for help, to me that is admitting that I'm not strong enough to to deal with my own stuff.
The reason I don't like feeling weak is because I love helping people. I feel like if I need help than I'm not capable of helping those in need. I don't know why but that is just how I am. Me feeling helpless is one of the hardest things for me to control. I can't stand not being able to help. One person is enough to make a huge difference, often times I feel my help is enough to make the difference, it's a bit of a delusion I believe, but it's my motive to help.
Working helps me a LOT. Ever since I had that problem at work though, not only do I feel helpless, but I also feel like everyone there is out to get me now. I used work as an escape, and now I can't. I still like working there, it's just I can't control my anxiety like I use to, and there isn't anything to change that now. I like keeping busy in general, so I often try to find outside work around the house, but I don't have enough plants to care for that will keep me busy enough.
Getting called into work meant a lot to me. I was told several times I shouldn't come in if I feel compelled to, but I was able to help. I made a difference by showing up when they were short. I'v been there for a little over a year, so I'm pretty fast as just about job they offer. That allows me to not only hop back and forth between two different stations to helps those in need, but I can also handle depending on the situation, two stations on my own. That can really only happen though when there a few people and we have a small rush.
Other things that help my with my anxiety, one would definitely have to be music. I started off listening to country, mostly because that's what my parents listened to all the time. I'm still a big fan of John Denver and Alabama. It wasn't until mid-school I started getting into punk rock, well Green Day. After I was introduced to that magnificent band, that was all I ever listened to. Then I started getting into Linkin Park. My senior year was when I started getting into EDM, I listen to many sub genres of EDM, I don't even know them all, hands up is one though.
When I was in a bad mood or going through something, I would always turn to my piano; more so electric keyboard. It aloud me to escape from everything, and even play the music I enjoyed. The first song I learned was 21 Guns by Green Day, I remember learning it because I fell in love with the meaning of the song.
I still play the piano off and on, but not as much. It reminds me of bad times that have happened over the past. Learning something new is more of a chore than a joy. A lot of that to could be because I'm trying to hard to learn songs that are still challenging, like Moonlight Sonata 3rd Movement by Beethoven or La Campanella from Liszt.
Writing use to be my biggest escape, obviously enough for me to right a book while trying to get through my senior year. It isn't very long, but still a lot of it had to do with what all was going on. I started off writing a fan-fiction of all the cartoons I use to watch when I was in third grade. I remember my teacher force me to choose a Rosetta stone card and write a story, I think the length had to be a page or something.
I didn't want to do it, I remember telling myself there was no way I could write a page about a red ball, which was the picture I chose. I decided to write about Spongebob and how he had lost a red ball, than it turned into more than just that; remember I was only ten when I wrote this story. The story evolved into an adventure going through all the shows I enjoyed watching at that time. Spongebob still being the main character. He was on a journey to find his lost possession.
I'm sure there are more things that have helped me though what little I'v lived, but I can't really think of anything so there may or may not be a second post to this. Anyways I hope everyone enjoyed their days! I was lucky enough to have a friend, that has been away for college, come over to hang out over his spring break. I so happen to be lucky enough to also get today off for work so everything worked out there! Until tomorrow, which I think if I'm brave enough I will go over a list of my fears and phobias.
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