Hands Up, a Uplifting Genre of Music

     Hands up music is one of the biggest things that helps me get through life. Typically I can't go a day without the music or well if I do I struggle with depression and just seem irritable over the smallest things. The creativity put into creating this kind of music is very uplifting and can be done by anyone with the right software. I use FL Studios though I haven't made anything... yet. Some of the current DJ's/ Artists I'v gotten into are K-391, Alan Walker also known as DJ Walkzz, and DJ Ness.

     I listen to this music a lot when I write because it's fairly inspiring to me. I see things more clearly and it opens up my mind. Hands up all together just puts me in a peaceful state of mind all together. A big part as to why I don't have my licence yet, isn't just because anxiety but I also can't listen to this type of music, I don't have a way to play it through my stereo yet.

     When I don't want to be around others yet want to feel like someone is there beside me, this is the music I listen to. The words and meanings to some of the songs are powerful, at least for someone like me who overthinks everything. The song Faded, by Alan Walker means a lot to me as the lyrics are well crafted, and the song Universe by K-391 as a drop that fits perfectly with the lyrics. This genre of music is just very... uplifting.

     Many people of my family and friends believe I like listening to music load just because it blocks out everyone else or because I enjoy load bass, which I do like those pros to listening to music but I love the vibration my heart can beat to. That could be why I love the piano as much as I do, there is just something about noise that fades in and out that I like. I guess I would be one of those people in my sporty car you can feel coming down the road miles before I reach your vicinity.

   

   

Backpacking

     I guess you could say another reason I started this blog was so I can work a bit on my grammar as I plan on backpacking. More than likely I will try to do backpack journalism, so I figured since I'm not writing stories as often as I use to, and being the fact journalism is a different style of writing than fantasy,  I figured it would be a good use of my time to basically work on a daily post. Blogging while I'm traveling seems like a perfect use of time while I end the day. 

     Backpacking my not exactly the right word, but I do see myself hiking a lot. It could be that I start off with backpacking, but I only stick to the state I currently live in. After a while I do plan on getting a motorcycle, which in my mind makes for the perfect transportation to travel with. Though hiking throughout the worlds jungles may seem fun and all, I don't think with my current state of mind I will be able to stand walking. I would feel trapped and like I don't have anywhere to go if my claustrophobic mind tells me there is no escape, even though I'm free to go just about wherever I want. 

     My though's and reasoning to why I want to travel is so I can of course blog. I love taking pictures, and I suppose with my current camera, though it is really good, I will still need something better. However I will be traveling a bit this year when I have time off from work. Rather it on bike, or with my uncle, I hope to have several thousand more photos up on my photography blog if I don't decide to start a different blog for my travels, or if I just decide to change the blog up some. 

     I love using blogger, but there are some things I wished I could do but just can't. I might be able to if I messed with the coding a bit, but I'm not ready to do anything fancy yet. With photography I don't typically like writing anything for it. I have over 500 picture up on my nature blog with no description. Which is alright for the pictures being local, since I plan on traveling a description of at least where I feel would be nice. The kind of website I would be interested in would be something that allows pages inside of pages. Bloggers pages don't remove the post from the home page and to me makes the blog seems very unorganized. 

     With the Possiblity of a new photography blog, I will also add some of the pictures I take to my journalism blog I will be making once the journey begins. As much as I love plants and just nature in general, I should have lots to say over the sites I see.    

     I apologize is this post seems a little scattered I'm not feeling the greatest and I didn't get much sleep last night due to not only insomnia but my sister decided she would be a but noisy. 

Optimism

     Sorry this is a late post, I was hoping to get it at least typed out while a was at work, but I was on dishes most of the night and when I got time my phone was about dead. Anyways, tired and wore out I have time to put together more sentence that probably don't make a whole lot of since.

     I am a very optimistic person which in the long run tends to hurt more than it does help. Generally I don't like people seeing me in pain, seeing my suffer from a deleterious disease. It makes me feel weak, most people look down upon the weak even though they still feel pain, like everyone else. Most times when I'm in a really good mood it's because I hide the true face of despair. I don't want the attention from someone else, I would rather give them attention.

     The reason optimism hurts in the long run is because people always relay on you to be okay with what ever they tell you to do, even if it bothers you or they know you can't do it. I don't complain a whole lot so when I do people go all ape shit. I'm just going to call my headaches migraines because I do believe that is what they are. I have several of the symptoms and anxiety can cause migraines.

     These migraines are by far the worst pain I have ever felt, I can't see very well, the effected side of my head my eye waters if the migraine doesn't effect both sides, which today it effect both sides of my head. I feel like I'm running a high fever, my nose gets runny, sometimes like today, I can barely stand. I don't complain though, I don't go around asking for petty by saying my head hurts, or that I can't do this because I have a headache like many others would do just to get out of a task they don't want to do.

     The second I say something hurts and I can't do a task because of it, it suddenly becomes and excuse, even though other people have the same problem and get away with not doing certain tasks. For example I have a bad shoulder, I don't know whats wrong with it. I have had x-rays done to see and the results came back with nothing unusual. It could be arthritis but it hurts every day, some days more than others. I can withstand the pain but the more it hurts the less I can lift, it's almost like it's dislocated shoulder that I'v had for years. Anyways for a while I was doing a task I hadn't done, and I started doing it every day I worked, which I couldn't continue to do everyday because it involved me lifting my shoulder over my head. With a good amount of weight I couldn't do it.

     I mentioned something to the supervisor, he was okay with it and understood as you can clearly see one shoulder is lower than the other. Next day I work I had to do this task again so I said something to the boss, in which she was okay with it too. The other managers find out one I think understood but the other of course didn't. They took it as I was trying to get out of it. Yeah I didn't like the task but there are many tasks I don't like doing at work. I do dishes nearly every day I work, I don't like it but no one else does them, at least not very often.

     I mentioned I feel others should start helping out on dishes a bit more, which only one manager seemed to have a problem with that. I guess I'm just full of excuses. People tend to relay on the people who don't complain. I'm optimistic so I put a smile on no matter the day, it could be the worst day in my life, and I'm still helping others, trying my hardest not to let them see me suffer.

     I'm twenty now and had my first girlfriend at twenty, I'm not a chaser, I'm happy for who I am not who I date. It only lasted a few weeks, but I didn't show it, not at work anyways. My mom caught on after a little while, though it's not hard to tell when I'm depressed at home. My senior year, no one asked me if I was okay or if everything was alright, even though I experienced more in one year than many can say they had in a lifetime. It was one thing after another, and day by day, I went to school showed sympathy to others who were effected by an event I shared with them. I asked them how they were holding up, not once did any of them ask me, I didn't show I was in pain.

     Maybe it's time to start showing emotion, but I don't want attention. Optimism is probably my biggest self harm. Not only am I lying to the people around me, some days I do need help getting through something. I also lie to myself, I pretend nothing is bothersome, I pretend I'm not in pain even though sometimes all I can see is blood dripping from my soul. I'm having a small panic attack at the moment as this is my second night without the medicine. I plan on doing a post of a severe panic attack. Optimistic people feel pain too like everyone else, they just bottle it up better.  
       

Off the Anxiety Medicine!

     Sorry I didn't get another post out last night, I had just taken my medicine in which I almost fallen asleep at the keyboard the other night. Yes can be a bit of a couch potato sometimes, or I guess I would be a chair tomato, but anyways I'm normal always at my computer blogging, creating content for blogs, or listening to music.

      Good news on that though, no more medicine for me. I figured it was safer to stop taking it before I was only able to stand for a few seconds. Being around hot ovens and having a hard time standing up, though I did manage, and I pushed myself to try and not show anything was wrong. I feel I did a pretty good job up until the point I felt really shaky and light. I ended up asking the boss if I was turning white, didn't really feel like passing out, and when I turn whiter than what I already am, I know I'm getting close to fainting.

     Other than the fact I had to work with the manager I have been having problems with today, had a small panic attack before I went in because I was unsure of what today held. It probably would have been a worse attack had I not been on my medicine, but I don't think I have much to worry about anymore. The supervisor talked with both of us, he mainly wanted to make sure I wouldn't cause anymore problems. I had sent a message to that manager about why I don't answer phones, it wasn't necessarily the nicest of messages, but I still don't have to answer the phones which the manager was to happy to hear when the supervisor told her that.

     Today was a fairly busy day at work, which made things easier for me because I love working rushes. I contently have to be doing something to keep my mind busy otherwise my mind keeps me busy. A few of the workers there were also nice to be around, they know how to bring spirits up. Hopefully everyone had as wonderful of a day as I did!


      

My Other Blogs

     Aside from this blog and Lorekeepers Inn, the blog a had mentioned in One Of My Other Blogs post. I almost manage another good some of blogs. I really enjoy blogging and with the OCD I have I need to have separate blogs for different topics. I know I could probably get away with only having one blog and use pages on it, but I still need to sort out different subtopics among the main topic of the blog.

Here are the other blogs I manage!

Opachii's World of Warcraft Gold Guides: This blog I created to help people in the massive multiplayer online game World of Warcraft (who would have guessed) make gold. I don't have a whole lot of content on this blog yet, but I just spent the last few days finding spots other people haven't covered. So far I have about 50+ drafts of spots surprisingly no one else has covered. Most of them make a good sum of gold as well so I can't wait to get those posts out!

Opachii's Terraria Help: This is yet another guide blog, have I mentioned how much I love helping people? As of right now, I have 104 posts but I'm taking a bit of a break from this blog I suppose. I started this blog about a month and a half ago, so I'm pretty burned out on it. Terraira is a pretty popular indy game yet many still struggle with some easy tasks. At least I find the game easy, after all I have a good amount of hours put into that game.

Opachii's Photography: This blog I created because I enjoy taking pictures, I don't like so much of being in them but I'm okay with taking them. All the photographs in this blog deal with nature, so if you enjoy roses, and pretty sunsets, this blog may be just for you! I currently have 514 photos and plan to take several more this year come the warmer seasons.

The Arcane Gamers: This is a shared blog between my brother and I. We decided to record some of our gameplay and post it on youtube, which what was posted to youtube is also in this blog.

Here in a few days I plan on doing a post on blogs I may end up doing in the future. I really enjoy blogging, or well maybe it has something to do with seeing the numbers go up... that can't be it. I really do enjoy sharing with the world and I also plan on doing a post over collections, I also like seeing numbers go up -.-.

Why I Created This Blog

     I really enjoy helping people, sometimes it is hard to do when I'm not willing to be social. I normally do okay with helping people while hiding behind a computer, though messaging people is starting to get harder and harder for me, my social anxiety is getting worse by the year, no matter how anyone looks at it. I'v been told it's been getting better but in reality I just know how to put a mask on.

     I also get panic/ anxiety attacks if I don't help someone in need or if I feel helpless which sucks, because well I can't hide from the social aspect of helping. There will always be some sort of social interaction while helping someone. Rather it be on social media or in person, verbally or through text, you are still communicating with someone to help.

     This blog helps me by allowing me to discuss a few of my past events, people who struggle find it easier knowing they aren't alone. One thing I always keep in mind is someone out there will always have it worse than you, no matter who you are, or how hard you situation can be. That is something that helped me through what was suppose to be a happy memorable year, I will be getting to that in a few days hopefully.

     I can create a community for people who either enjoy the drama filled reads, or people who may be struggling and need help. Everyone is free to leave comments, and ask questions as they please, and it can even be done anonymously. I will more than likely be posting herbal remedies for those who are sick. I have several other helpful guidance blogs for a few of the games I play.

    The biggest reason it is easier for me to help people through a blog is because I to can help anonymously. One of the biggest reasons I use a pseudonym in the titles of my blog. I'm known as "Opachii", at least to those who don't know my alias. I have never been big on being the center of attention, so why announce my real name to the public? If I continue to write books I will more than likely publish them, more than likely not this pseudonym but I will probably use one for my books.   

My Artistic Phase

     I had always been a fan of anime ever since I got into Pokemon, I had to of been around six or seven. The art style just seemed very intriguing, so I started collecting Pokemon cards... well my older brother gave me his collection, so then I started collecting the cards. Once I found out there was a TV show, I just had to watch it.

     The older I got the more distant I became from the TV show, but I still collecting the cards and had to be sure to catch every Pokemon in the games. Each critter had a unique shape, it was different from regular cartoon characters, I just say a bit more creativity. After a while I just became distant from Pokemon all together, though still buying the new games in which I would complete the final task but I could care less about collecting the Pokemon.

     Around ninth or tenth grade, I made a new friend. He was BIG into anime and expressed it fairly clearly. Normally I become who I'm around, so I began to like anime. It was all my choice, I know a lot of people will tell me I shouldn't mold my personality, but if I didn't do that then I wouldn't have the experience and knowledge I do today. I don't change my personality to become accepted, I do it for the experience, so I can place myself in another's shoes. I also love learning about new things, and try new things. Anyways I began to draw around the tenth or eleventh grade, anime of course, but it also was the start to my headaches, when I started getting into anime.

     Watching anime all day long, from the time I got home from school till the time I went to bed, it was all I really did anymore. I would spend about two to three hours drawing an anime character I was currently into at the time, mostly protagonists at the time. Then drawing became so much more than just the characters I knew, I would look up anime and search for a picture I thought looked cool, and so I drew it. That was when I really became involved in drawing. I got special pencils, and everything just so I can hopefully get close to the image I was looking at.

      My headaches continued to get worse at that point. Not realizing it then but, I'm creative. Overly creative for that matter. I think of many different possibilities and outcomes for... everything. This can happen or that can happen and my mind would just race and go through several different scenarios, over something that could be as simple as a rock. I still get headaches, still really bad ones, worse even than a while ago, but I look at them as a sign of me putting my creativity to work.

Here are a some of the drawings I did! Some are unfinished and they aren't dated or in any specific order  so I can't tell you which one was my first, but I do know it didn't have color to it. There are more drawings I will add in the future, just need to get them on my computer.

Possible Upcoming Posts

My Artistic Phase, I will go more in depths about me watching anime as mentioned in A Waking Reality

Things That Help, things that help me through panic/anxiety attacks or things that help me prevent them

Hand Up, I genre of music I cannot live without! (No it's not debstep)

Faded, a EDM song that I feel has good meaning. I'm going to tell my meaning of the song

My other Blogs, going to list off the rest of the blogs I manage.

I'm a Blogoholic!, going to list off other blogs I plan on starting up... it's just a "few" more :)

Backpacking, my planes to travel a bit

This is all I can think of at the time (12:03 in the morning) I'm not a night owl so this is a bit late for me.

One of My "Few" Other Blogs

     I'm a bit wore out today, hopefully everyone else enjoy the nice weather while it lasted. I know my window orchid sure did! I had a few things planned to post for tonight and it seems I have forgotten them all... yay. Had a long day at work, it wouldn't have been as bad, because all I did was unload the truck, but with the medicine in me it sure put a number on me this time. Though I did have a nice relaxing day! Found a few new gold making spots in "World of Warcraft", and messed around with FL studios which is a program that allows you to make cool music!

     Anyways while I can remember one idea I had for a post lets get to it. I write stories, it is one of few things that has helped me through rough times. I even got a story published, it's called "Akio" in which can be bought off amazon but because I think I'm retiring early from my author career, or just taking a long hiatus, I'm not going to bother placing the link. However you can read other stories I have written, even parts of "Akio" on Lorekeepers Inn. Beware though I'm not the only author on Lorekeepers Inn.

     If it wasn't for this author, I don't think I would have gone as far as to write a story in the length I did (still not very long) not along to publish "Akio". The year before he had published his own story  "Ascent of the Holy Blade" which can be bought by clicking on the title so head on over and at the very least check out this amazing book! I will be more prepared next time as I remember a few of the posts I was going to do while typing this one. There may or may not be another post tonight, it will only consist of upcoming posts. Also check out Eric Westfall's blog, the author of "Ascent of the Holy Blade"... he already has a rough draft of his second book done :O. 

A Waking Reality

     About five to six years ago, I started having headaches, depending on the day they were either really bad, or just a bit of pressure. At first I didn't think anything of them. I have a high pain tolerance, so I just waved it off, thinking the headaches will pass, at least the ones that made my eyes watery and nose runny. They use to last about a week give or take. There was either no pain, just the pressure of a headache, or the pain of what I would have to describe as small needles behind one eye or the other.

     About a month or so of that passed by, but the headaches began to come more then they would go. The pressure soon became what use to be the needles and the needles became like someone driving a spike through the top of my skull, and behind one of my eyes, if not both... the headaches became worse.

     After about three maybe four or five months of this, I decided it was time to go see the doctor about my headaches that only go away a few times in a month if I was lucky that month. I don't remember much of the first few visits but the first thing the doctor thought was the headaches were just tension headaches. My eyes got checked (my father insisted I needed glasses) and other typical doctor visit procedures were done and I was sent on my merry way, I don't remember if medicine was giving to me the first visit or not.

     A few months pass and the headaches, though not any worse, weren't any better either, but they did seem to last a bit longer. The best way to describe these; I really should say headache as it felt like it was one headache that lasted for at first a few weeks, then a month, to almost a constant headache. So I decide its time to go back as what ever I was told to do the first visit didn't work. The doctor than asked if migraines ran in the family in with my mother said they don't. Though she had the degree and I didn't the doctor said it was possible for me to have migraines, but without migraines running in the family it was unlikely. This time I remember her giving me small dosage of some kind of medication used for migraines.

     Believe it or not it worked, for a good some of time anyways. I don't remember how many months it worked for, all I know is it worked. Then she upped the medication to the next set dose. That is when things really started to change for me. I got more into anime and drawing, I like to call it my artistic phase. Don't get me wrong I was still into anime before most of this started happening but, not as much as I was after I started taking the higher dose of this medicine.

     I would wake up in the morning for school take a shower and find that I can't feel legs. I felt lighter all of a sudden. I just let it pass because at the time I thought I was just really lightheaded, and I was, but things grew white. I saw white lights, mixed in with a magenta color, the white out ruled the magenta color, and I did nothing.

     I continued my morning routine, and got ready for school. At first I though maybe it was because I wasn't eating as much. The medicine made me nauseous so I often skipped lunch or supper (wasn't big on breakfast). I started eating a bit more in the morning and tried to force myself to eat when I didn't feel as sick to the stomach, as this "lightheadedness" wouldn't fade away, it actually got worse. It was hard for me to get from class to class. All I did, was let it pass. I didn't stop for a second, I just kept going because I kept thinking to myself  "self I can't be late for class". I was, no I am a worry wort. I worry about everything. I for some reason or another thought if I was late to class once I would get in a lot of trouble, some may not care about getting in trouble, but this guy sure did. Couldn't be around when the phone rang otherwise I thought I did something.

     One day, I was so drained. I didn't do any physical ware and tare, but my body insisted I did. I was laying down watching, you guessed it anime. Somewhere in between the time I spent watching anime and laying down, I fell asleep. It was early afternoon when I fell asleep, because when I woke up it was nearly time to eat dinner. I was called upon when the food was prepared and if I am correct, I was pail white. Now I'v never seen a ghost, but I would have to say I was pail white, as I look in the mirror to see if I looked sick.

     I made it out to the kitchen on good terms, but once I stopped; impatiently waiting for the ketchup, I saw those lights again only this time they were brighter and oddly enough the lights hurt this time. Again I grew light, almost felt as if I were flying. Without saying a word, I rushed into the living room, hoping to catch the closest seat before I fall from the sky. Thankfully I made it to a seat just in time. All I can say from the point forward, I remember getting up but I don't remember making it back to my room. It felt like I was sleep walking only, ever step hurt. My body just ached all over, more so than with a high temperature. I was dizzy even while laying down; the room just kept spinning, even with my eyes closed, everything was spinning. I never took another pill the doctor prescribed to me after that, and I got better.

     Here recently I know I keep saying that I'm back on my anxiety medicine. It turns out the medicine wasn't for migraines like what my family thought. In my first post Yet Another Blog, and Problems at Work, I mentioned a bit of why I decided to take my anxiety medicine again. I remember mentioning to the manager I'v been having problems with the I grow immune to medication. Putting more and more thought into I slowly started to remember, the medicine I was taking for my headaches, I didn't become immune to it, I stopped taking it because of it's effects.

     I go home that night thinking that I would take them again, my headaches were getting worse once again, and I would have my mom look for my medical papers for my anxiety and my headaches.  I looked up the side effect of the medicine because it had been nearly three years since I have taken them, found out that it is an antidepressant that helps with anxiety migraines. The reason this was such a shock was because I knew how bad my anxiety was and I knew I needed medication, but I would rather suffer being me than being someone the medicine changes me into.

     Here I am taking my anxiety medicine, to show why I can't run the front or answer the phones at work. Anxiety medicine in itself is almost worse than not being capable of doing normal everyday activities. I would much rather give up talking to people then having to take the medicine, but I can't do that. I can be vindictive at times.

   

   

        

A Feared Life

   Severe anxiety is nothing more than a cluster of phobias and is often followed by depression. The more one fears, the less of normal activities one may enjoy during their lifetime. Some may collect more phobias than they conquer, the older they become, if the age from where they left off. Sorrow normally comes after facing a fear, sometimes it just appears on its own. Some fears cause people to tell themselves things they know aren't true, but the thoughts never fade; day in and day out.

     

     The people who suffer the most always show a smile, rather it be in school, work or public. They are optimist most of the time, and some hide problems so well; you may never know something is wrong, until it's to late. 

     Yes everyone has some form of anxiety, but not everyone has severe anxiety. Basic anxiety stems from normal things to stress about; like starting a new job or that exam you "forgot" to study for. Not everyone goes through panic/anxiety attacks weekly or even daily like myself. These attacks don't have to have a reason, they can just pop up out of nowhere. No warning sign nothing. Could be the best damn day someone has and all of a sudden their worst. 

     I'v been told by people who don't have severe anxiety tell me to just get over it, it's nothing, or that other people have "issues". Severe anxiety isn't an issue, for those who truly believe it is, need to fear nearly everything and tell me it's just "issues". Severe anxiety is a disorder, a chemical imbalance in the brain. That chemical isn't something someone can just create out of nothing, that's what medicine is for, though is the medicine really worth it? For some possibly, but it changes who YOU are. Your personality changes. Given time, not much is feared anymore, people become distant, and I even feel soulless at times, like nothing will phase me anymore. 

     Other effects are just as terrifying to others as they are to whoever takes medicine for this disorder. Some may become confused, they won't remember who they are, how to do ritual activities, or even where they are! Faintness; one of the worst side effects I'v experience, your whole body aches like you are running a high fever, but your temperature gets lowers. Everything grows dark, the pigment from your vision just disappears, and you can't feel anything. Luckily I was able to wobbly myself to a seat to gather myself. There are many more side effects than those two, some actually really devastating. It's almost like the only thing the medicine ever fixed were the fears.  

     My biggest fear is claustrophobia. I fear small places, I fear being trapped. Which is why I fear most other things. It isn't necessarily the fact I fear something else like being social. I'm not always afraid to interact with others. I just don't like feeling confine to one spot, I'm constantly moving or doing something else apposed to just talking. I am however social phobic, but depending on the day I can push that aside, though I can't only hold a conversation for a short time before my anxiety kicks in. 

    Tonight is the forth night back on my medicine and let me tell you it isn't very fun. I don't have to take it, the reason why I do though is because not everyone sees severe anxiety as a disorder. I can't run the phone or work the registers at work unless I have medicine, but I can't take medicine for long before the side effects get progressive worse. Here I'm guessing within a few more days, I wont be able to stand for long. I'm going to show they people at work what I'm like with medicine, and show them why I'm not on medicine. Yes I can leave and find a new place, but I really enjoy where I'm at and I feel it just isn't my time to leave yet. Everything happens for a reason and I don't have a reason to leave. 

          

            

     

Why the Pseudonym "Opachii"?

     Many of my blogs have my pseudonym "Opachii", rather it's a title or the name of a character in one my of stories, Opachii will show up somewhere in my several blogs. Opachii is a name that just stuck with me and it all came from an anime.
   
     I play a good amount of online games "World of Warcraft" being one. Most online games allow you to choose a character name of your liking, there is also an option to pick a name at random, which is something I use to do, I didn't see myself creative enough at the time to come up with names on my own, that or I was just to anxious to start a new journey, and the name was a bit meaningless to me at the time.
   
     Once I started watching anime though, that all changed, I wanted to be a character from my favorite anime series. Some may consider it roll playing, but I just simply want a name corresponding to a protagonist of the anime I was currently into.

     Why I kept "Opachii" of them all? It was a unique name. Most of the time while trying to use all sorts of letters to come up with a name similar to the one I want it to resemble, the name would already have been taken. That wasn't the case with this name, for and online games, or games I was able to choose a name for that matter.

    Opachii soon became a name I rather enjoyed. After a while it lost it's anime resemblance, because many would pronounce the name wrong. It wasn't their fault though, I knew what I wanted it to sound like not what it actually sounded like. Listening to people pronounce it "wrong" I just started going with it, I liked it, and now I use it as an online alias.     

Yet Another Blog, and Problems at Work

     Hello everyone, I bring you yet another blog. I believe this makes my 6 or 7th blog, but I enjoy blogging. For this blog it will more than likely be about me and whats going on in my life. There may be a few links to Youtube videos I enjoy, or maybe posts from my other blogs, but for the most part, my life.

    I'm not sure what my posting schedule will be for this blog, I was hopping to be more active on my other blogs, and I know it has been a good two weeks since I'v posting anything. Currently I'v been having issue at work, one of my friends of whom was a manager has left, leaving us with only three managers, and one of them thinks anxiety is nothing more than a joke so I'm back on my medicine I truly don't want to be on.

     I started back up last night and here I set bobbing back and forth at my computer screen, lightheaded. The reason I choose to take it yet again, after I stopped taking because of the side effects, it to show anxiety is no laughing matter, the medicine itself can be much worse. Though I don't feel anxious anymore, I do however have a slight headache, I can't stand up for long, I can't lay down to rid the feeling of faintness, my taste is off, I see things from the corner of my eyes (mostly bright lights), it takes my longer to comprehend even the simplest of tasks.

     I have told the place of business over and over again, if I was to work the front or phones, I will need to be on my medicine again (all but one manager understood), which though the medicine is helping with my anxiety, I'm not in much of a state to take care of customers, not alone money.

     The manager of which I'm having problems with; no authority of telling me this as the main manager and supervisor have already waved me from these positions (Yes this manager already knew I was told I don't have to work these stations), told me the other day at work I will need to start learning how to answer the phone and run the front. Not wanting to start anything there, knowing my anxiety would only get worse from that point forward, I just said okay, I will need to talk to the supervisor first, which she wasn't to thrilled to hear anyways.

     So now I am back on my anxiety medicine to prove that there are in fact positions there I'm not capable of doing, not with out medicine anyways, and though I'm not anxious right now; I could probably answer the phone, but I would need a seat, and I would no longer be capable of doing other things around the store, because of how the medicine effects me.