Weekly Update 6

     I finally have time to spare, and get this post all typed up. I did have the day off, but as of right now I'm more than likely going to fill in for my ex... yay me. Throughout the week I dedicated a little time to come up with a posting schedule. So far I like it, but it may have to change until I figure out how well it will work with my work schedule. It is getting closer to summer and we are normally busy that time of year, which means I get called in more often. Hopefully I can stick with this schedule though, at least for a few weeks.

Monday - Word of the day (Still unsure how I will do this I may end up changing it to a music post instead)
Tuesday - Short story (I typically unload the truck in the morning on Tuesdays, giving me time to type something up.)
Wednesday - Picture (I will just post a picture I've taken I have over 800 so I will have enough for a while)
Thursday - Phobia (Once I complete the list of phobias I will go over each one I have and explain a little)
Friday - I don't plan on post on Fridays, though I may change this one to music as well or even a picture
Saturday - Picture
Sunday - Update

     More than likely there will be a few changes, I may add more things to post about because I still have ideas floating around in my head for posting prompts though I'm not sure. Prompts are more for writers than readers. I'm hoping to start a few new blogs though once I get enough content added to this blog. I will be doing a word of the day blog, and possibly a phobia blog as well, not sure on that one. I'm hoping to start talking about home remedies and stuff like that so I may add this to a day I'm posting something like a picture or I may just replace a picture day. If I do end up doing that I will start a blog for sure on just home remedies.

Here is was I post this week:

List of Phobias Part 12

List of Phobias Part 11

Nothing Helps

List of Phobias Part 10

List of Phobias Part 9

My Senior Year Part 5

The Reaper's Touch

List of Phobias Part 8

A Waking Reality

     About five to six years ago, I started having headaches, depending on the day they were either really bad, or just a bit of pressure. At first I didn't think anything of them. I have a high pain tolerance, so I just waved it off, thinking the headaches will pass, at least the ones that made my eyes watery and nose runny. They use to last about a week give or take. There was either no pain, just the pressure of a headache, or the pain of what I would have to describe as small needles behind one eye or the other.

     About a month or so of that passed by, but the headaches began to come more then they would go. The pressure soon became what use to be the needles and the needles became like someone driving a spike through the top of my skull, and behind one of my eyes, if not both... the headaches became worse.

     After about three maybe four or five months of this, I decided it was time to go see the doctor about my headaches that only go away a few times in a month if I was lucky that month. I don't remember much of the first few visits but the first thing the doctor thought was the headaches were just tension headaches. My eyes got checked (my father insisted I needed glasses) and other typical doctor visit procedures were done and I was sent on my merry way, I don't remember if medicine was giving to me the first visit or not.

     A few months pass and the headaches, though not any worse, weren't any better either, but they did seem to last a bit longer. The best way to describe these; I really should say headache as it felt like it was one headache that lasted for at first a few weeks, then a month, to almost a constant headache. So I decide its time to go back as what ever I was told to do the first visit didn't work. The doctor than asked if migraines ran in the family in with my mother said they don't. Though she had the degree and I didn't the doctor said it was possible for me to have migraines, but without migraines running in the family it was unlikely. This time I remember her giving me small dosage of some kind of medication used for migraines.

     Believe it or not it worked, for a good some of time anyways. I don't remember how many months it worked for, all I know is it worked. Then she upped the medication to the next set dose. That is when things really started to change for me. I got more into anime and drawing, I like to call it my artistic phase. Don't get me wrong I was still into anime before most of this started happening but, not as much as I was after I started taking the higher dose of this medicine.

     I would wake up in the morning for school take a shower and find that I can't feel legs. I felt lighter all of a sudden. I just let it pass because at the time I thought I was just really lightheaded, and I was, but things grew white. I saw white lights, mixed in with a magenta color, the white out ruled the magenta color, and I did nothing.

     I continued my morning routine, and got ready for school. At first I though maybe it was because I wasn't eating as much. The medicine made me nauseous so I often skipped lunch or supper (wasn't big on breakfast). I started eating a bit more in the morning and tried to force myself to eat when I didn't feel as sick to the stomach, as this "lightheadedness" wouldn't fade away, it actually got worse. It was hard for me to get from class to class. All I did, was let it pass. I didn't stop for a second, I just kept going because I kept thinking to myself  "self I can't be late for class". I was, no I am a worry wort. I worry about everything. I for some reason or another thought if I was late to class once I would get in a lot of trouble, some may not care about getting in trouble, but this guy sure did. Couldn't be around when the phone rang otherwise I thought I did something.

     One day, I was so drained. I didn't do any physical ware and tare, but my body insisted I did. I was laying down watching, you guessed it anime. Somewhere in between the time I spent watching anime and laying down, I fell asleep. It was early afternoon when I fell asleep, because when I woke up it was nearly time to eat dinner. I was called upon when the food was prepared and if I am correct, I was pail white. Now I'v never seen a ghost, but I would have to say I was pail white, as I look in the mirror to see if I looked sick.

     I made it out to the kitchen on good terms, but once I stopped; impatiently waiting for the ketchup, I saw those lights again only this time they were brighter and oddly enough the lights hurt this time. Again I grew light, almost felt as if I were flying. Without saying a word, I rushed into the living room, hoping to catch the closest seat before I fall from the sky. Thankfully I made it to a seat just in time. All I can say from the point forward, I remember getting up but I don't remember making it back to my room. It felt like I was sleep walking only, ever step hurt. My body just ached all over, more so than with a high temperature. I was dizzy even while laying down; the room just kept spinning, even with my eyes closed, everything was spinning. I never took another pill the doctor prescribed to me after that, and I got better.

     Here recently I know I keep saying that I'm back on my anxiety medicine. It turns out the medicine wasn't for migraines like what my family thought. In my first post Yet Another Blog, and Problems at Work, I mentioned a bit of why I decided to take my anxiety medicine again. I remember mentioning to the manager I'v been having problems with the I grow immune to medication. Putting more and more thought into I slowly started to remember, the medicine I was taking for my headaches, I didn't become immune to it, I stopped taking it because of it's effects.

     I go home that night thinking that I would take them again, my headaches were getting worse once again, and I would have my mom look for my medical papers for my anxiety and my headaches.  I looked up the side effect of the medicine because it had been nearly three years since I have taken them, found out that it is an antidepressant that helps with anxiety migraines. The reason this was such a shock was because I knew how bad my anxiety was and I knew I needed medication, but I would rather suffer being me than being someone the medicine changes me into.

     Here I am taking my anxiety medicine, to show why I can't run the front or answer the phones at work. Anxiety medicine in itself is almost worse than not being capable of doing normal everyday activities. I would much rather give up talking to people then having to take the medicine, but I can't do that. I can be vindictive at times.

   

   

        

Yet Another Blog, and Problems at Work

     Hello everyone, I bring you yet another blog. I believe this makes my 6 or 7th blog, but I enjoy blogging. For this blog it will more than likely be about me and whats going on in my life. There may be a few links to Youtube videos I enjoy, or maybe posts from my other blogs, but for the most part, my life.

    I'm not sure what my posting schedule will be for this blog, I was hopping to be more active on my other blogs, and I know it has been a good two weeks since I'v posting anything. Currently I'v been having issue at work, one of my friends of whom was a manager has left, leaving us with only three managers, and one of them thinks anxiety is nothing more than a joke so I'm back on my medicine I truly don't want to be on.

     I started back up last night and here I set bobbing back and forth at my computer screen, lightheaded. The reason I choose to take it yet again, after I stopped taking because of the side effects, it to show anxiety is no laughing matter, the medicine itself can be much worse. Though I don't feel anxious anymore, I do however have a slight headache, I can't stand up for long, I can't lay down to rid the feeling of faintness, my taste is off, I see things from the corner of my eyes (mostly bright lights), it takes my longer to comprehend even the simplest of tasks.

     I have told the place of business over and over again, if I was to work the front or phones, I will need to be on my medicine again (all but one manager understood), which though the medicine is helping with my anxiety, I'm not in much of a state to take care of customers, not alone money.

     The manager of which I'm having problems with; no authority of telling me this as the main manager and supervisor have already waved me from these positions (Yes this manager already knew I was told I don't have to work these stations), told me the other day at work I will need to start learning how to answer the phone and run the front. Not wanting to start anything there, knowing my anxiety would only get worse from that point forward, I just said okay, I will need to talk to the supervisor first, which she wasn't to thrilled to hear anyways.

     So now I am back on my anxiety medicine to prove that there are in fact positions there I'm not capable of doing, not with out medicine anyways, and though I'm not anxious right now; I could probably answer the phone, but I would need a seat, and I would no longer be capable of doing other things around the store, because of how the medicine effects me.