Tuesday, March 8, 2016

3-7-16

     I have decided to keep a journal of my thoughts. I believe have really bad OCD, in which only continues to get worse. I'm not a fan of medicine but working where I am now is becoming harder and harder, and I'm having more difficulties with talking to people... I just want to be isolated. I may do a post of what I write down everyday, I'm unsure yet. I still am a bit uncomfortable with posting what I wrote today, but I feel like I need to.

1:03 A.M.
feel the need to ask someone about my anxiety to see how noticeable and or bad it is to the public

feel compelled to talk to someone to see if they think I have OCD and explain to them how symptoms add up

feel like someone is watching me through the window

fear of not getting to sleep or being to tired to do anything tomorrow

feel like a demonic wolf or beast is peering through my window

feel the present of a demon within my room, watching me, waiting for my to turn my back

contently checking phone

worrying people don't believe I have anxiety

worrying about being on medicine because it changes my personality

1:42 A.M.
Fear of going to sleep and being woke up from a bad dream

constantly checking the time

feel like I need to watch something in order to go to sleep

feel like I just watched these episodes, feel like I'm going crazy

still feeling someone or something is outside my window

worried my anxiety is worse than I thought

worried the doctor or people I show will think I'm making these entries up

worried of what others will think while jotting my thoughts down, don't want someone to ask, I can't lie

worried about oversleeping

2:05 A.M.
Right ear ringing, someone is talking bad about me, reciting names to figure out who

11:45 P.M.
worried someone is using my tooth brush as a cleaning utensil

12:28 P.M.
worried of getting a text from my boss about never coming in again, keeping my phone away from site so I don't check it

car pulled into neighbors driveway, worried if I don't watch them, they will head over here and steal something, trying to stay out of site because they will judge me. While watching them a white can slowly drives by, worried they would take the mail

1:30
Went to town with mom, worried people were staring at me, out to get me, and judging me

nervously rub my hands the rest of the time spent in the store

avoided eye contact, felt like people would get the wrong impression and think I liked them

4:31 P.M.
headed into work, worried I would be told I'm no longer needed

got busy and felt useless as I was preforming slower than normal

felt like customers were staring at me, tried to stay out of site, felt like they would follow me, still trying to stare at me

There was more after this but I'm still getting use to writing things done and normally my thoughts are worse than this. I think knowing that I would right them down changed the way I would think. Once I get use to writing my thoughts down I expect them to get worse once again.





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