My Senior Year Part 4 (Duplicity)

     A friend, one of my best friends that I had known for roughly four, five years. He had gotten me into anime. All he ever talked about was the Japanese cartoons, he lived for it. Around 10th grade, he had gotten me into drawing, which I talked about a bit in My Artistic Phase. Well he always did seem a bit jealous of my drawings, and criticized where criticism wasn't needed, and pointed out very minor details. Something a bit like "this is a little to big" or this "line is a little off". At first I couldn't tell of his envious. I just started  drawing, so I took his criticism as a complement to better my projects.

     It got to the point in 11th grade, where he was just rude. He always said he was a blunt person, but there is a difference between being blunt and just being flat out rude. Bully would be the correct label for him if I wasn't his friend. Judging people left and right, while getting offended by the littlest of things. He was right, he was ominous, no one could ever be better than he. 

     I couldn't stand it anymore, so I had thought about not being friends with him anymore. Venting to my best friend in which we shared this friend. I had voiced my thoughts, I don't think my best friend intended this, he has a neutral type personality.  Some how though it came up to the friend we share, that I didn't want to be his friend anymore. I don't remember how it all went down, but I remember him wanting to call me. 

     This was after another incident where I was mad at him. While I was playing Xbox with the two (I'm not a big gamer, so that was the first and only time I had played with them). He kicked me from the group as we were all grouped in an online lobby. I text my best friend to find out what was going on, and he didn't really know at first, and said it was the friend we shared. So I end up texting him to find out why and I was pretty upset, I blew up on him. He called me and said it was because I was being a smart alack, which he had been use to, that's my personality. 

     He called me however after he read the message I sent him to the whole lobby online. Of course I was livid, it was uncalled for. It took me almost two weeks I believe to answer his call. He called me a couple times everyday until I answered. All he wanted to say was he didn't want to be friends anymore because I put on a mask, changing my personality to please everyone. I don't and I will go over a post of why it may seem like I do. To me though, that was just a waste of time. Why call someone that many times just to tell them something that could have been done over a text? I obviously didn't want to talk to him. 

     I guess I should mention this all happened over the summer finishing 11th and heading to 12th. We ended up being in piano class the next year, 11th grade. Him and the friend I was talking about in part 2 of this story shared the class. I don't remember if we text each other over this, or if it was just something discussed in piano class, but we ended up becoming friends again.  All I have to say was big mistake there. His true colors didn't show until our friend from part two of my story got cancer. 

     Not able to speak for someone else, I will go over what I saw from my perspective. After Thanksgiving he seemed shorter with me, which I thought was weird, it was around the same time I really started hanging out/ being their for HIS best friend. Where he grew more distant. Around Christmas, I'm thinking it was Christmas break he didn't want to be my friend anymore. Of course I was upset once again, though not really supersized, though he did it when I needed him the most. Our friend was going through tough times which was emotionally draining to all his friends, and my other friend just recently lost his father. 

     Things only got harder though as I wanted to be home schooled. I was having troulbles with bullies, and not having many friends, it was almost pointless for me to go to school. I wasn't even looking up homeschooling and had seen that kids who get home schooled normally are more creative. That was all I needed to hear, I love being creative. So I decided to talk about it with my parents when things turned for the worse. I just got done thinking things could only get better on from here on out, but the just wasn't the case. 

     Here ends this chapter, and begins the next. I'm not sure when I will get the rest of this story typed. I'm heading home tomorrow sometime in the morning and wont be getting home until late. Also I'm not sure if I will be posting anything tomorrow just due to the stress and being tired from the ride. If I do happen to get a post out, it will probably consist of a few pictures taken, and how things went.   

My Senior Year Part 3 (Thankful for Giving)

     In the midst of everything with my friend whom had a tumor. That unfortunately wasn't the end of the suffering, not only for my friends, but also me. These two events had a huge impact on me, Helping my first friend through hard times, it made it even harder on me when I got the news I did, setting at the table for the family get together, forty minutes away.

     This story I assume will be fairly short, but it will make it easier hopefully to follow when I have the full story in sections, that way I can refer to different friends in a post to keep their names out of it. This story is very sketchy me, I remember most of what happened afterwards more than I do before hand.

     My oldest brother; step brother came down for Thanksgiving, it had been a while since he was able to make it to one of our family gatherings, so I was glad he was able to make it that year. He rode up with us, being ornery as usual, making the dull ride a but more enjoyable, though I was listening to music anyways. I know him enough to know if he is trying to be funny or not.

     We get into the building our dinner is hosted at by relatives, if you saw my uncle you would understand where my oldest brother got the ornery eye from. Ritually, my family brought in the food we prepaid for the dinner, Greeted what few family members were there at the time, helped with the finishing touches, and welcomed member pulling in. Being nice we waited for a few last minute arrivals and said our grace, then everyone waited for the first person to start collecting their plate.

     One I get mine, with the small amount of food I consume, I set at the tables with my family, a little nervous to eat. I don't like eating in public, so I avoid it when I can, but this wasn't an occasion I could avoid. I get a text, at first I just kind of ignored it, because I was trying to be polite and wait until I finished my food at least. Hoping to make it through the whole "socializing", I didn't. I can't remember if I got another text or if worry crept upon me. Being Thanksgiving, I passed the text off as a "Happy Thanksgiving" from my friends as I had just wished it to those among my contact list.

     I figure it would be best to check my phone, I do believe I had just finished eating, and it read along the lines something like "my dad past" or "didn't make it". By then I just stared at my phone, I spaced out. Everything just felt like a dream, I kept reading the text to makes sure I was reading it right. My mind was playing tricks on me, I normally miss read, switch a word for another, or misinterpret what I read. This wasn't the case, I showed it to my mom getting a bit emotional.  I didn't know what to think.

     How could a day that's suppose to bring people together, and show their thankfulness for what they have, bring such devastation. Don't take anything for granite, you don't hear that enough these days. Now I didn't know this friends father all to well, we recently became friends and I had seen once or twice, and heard him through my headphones when gaming with this friend.

     I didn't even get a chance to get desert, my parents gathered my siblings and off we went. Trying to hold my tears back, I text the friend I shared with the friend from my last story My Senior Year Part 2. I told him what happened and asked him to pray, at the time he was Christian, and fairly kind. He ended up reply Okay, so I knew he didn't care what had happened. I'm sure a lot of you would think he did, but he didn't, I know him well enough to know when he cares of something.

     And so is the beginning of my next part to this story. The friend of who "was" a christian was actually one of my best friends. He had gotten my into anime more than I once was, and started me on a path I really enjoyed and plan to explore again. Anime brought more than just something to do for me, it helped me discover my creative side. I was creative to begin with, but I only wanted to become more creative, I really enjoyed the style of drawing choose for Anime. 

My Senior Year Part 2 (Change of Mind)

     A person who I never thought would be my friend. The very person who tormented me more than anyone else in my grade. The one who tried to make things right, in piano class which we shared. In which I still didn't trust him. It wasn't so much the fact I held a grudge, as he had done stuff like this before. He would get on my good side than just use me to get gold on an online game we played, I would say together but he rarely grouped up with me for anything... unless he wanted gold.

     I remember one year when my best friend kept asking me who I liked that year. He would list off a few names, which at the time I truthfully didn't like anyone. Well he kept asking me with the same list of people, it was a narrow list, so eventually I finally gave, I was tired of him asking me every to near everyday. Well I should have known it wouldn't stop there. I don't remember questions he asked, but questions just kept coming. Some how eventually word got out to this kid who always tormented me. He would be nice one second only to throw it back in my face one way or another.

     Of course he couldn't just leave it at I "liked" someone. I never really got the chance to tell anyone my true feelings for this girl. Yeah she was winsome don't get me wrong, but I didn't like her enough to be in a relationship with her. I didn't and truthfully still don't care all that much for a relationship. I find beauty in everything, it's hard to explain the way I am about this stuff so I'm not going to get into it, maybe save it for another post; when I know what I mean. Word ended up getting around to this girl, which she was snoody about the whole ordeal. Of course though it was't just one classmate picking on me about this, it was two. One Of course I got along with better, but that's mostly because we were I suppose off and on again friends.

     Never, not once did I think the person I stood by through hard times, would become friends. It was a thought out of mind for me. Things changed though as he changed. Through out the year we had piano class together, I think it was the year before this incident, him and I did start to get alone a bit better. Now I have to rephrase that sentence a little because I can't speak for him, I don't know if he wanted to be my friend or not, and I don't know how he felt about me throughout piano. The point here though, is that I started to change the way I felt about him, he wasn't so much the bad guy anymore as it was just trying to fit in with the right people. I say that because him and I shared a friend at the time, so we were around each other a bit more.

     Still I skeptical of this friendship just because the way he treated me before, I knew what he was like. I'm not the time of person to hold a grudge, so becoming friends or letting my guard down was just second nature at that time. I love helping and being friendly to people, though I did ease my way into trusting him, to the fullest someone could trust another that's used them more than once.

     Well as he kept missing school, and when he was at school, he would always be down in the nurses office. I remember one day; at lunch I believe it was, he looked like he was in a lot of pain. He had his head laying on the table and arms covering his eyes. I hadn't seen anyone in as much pain as he was in that day.  At this point I didn't know a whole lot of what was going on, though the friend we shared knew a bit more than me, but he kept it to himself.  Things... they only got worse from that point.

     I remember sometime in the fall, it was just getting cold outside, cold enough to need a coat but warm enough you didn't. I text my mom earlier that day in despair. The friend we shared was upset, to the point he went to the bathroom to punch a wall I believe, tears rolled down his cheeks. I've never even seen this friend upset or mad now that I think of it. He told us before hand that our friend had a tumor. That's all I knew from that point, I didn't know if it was cancerous or not. I text my mom to let her know what was happening. It was one of those days where I wanted to go home but at the same time needed to keep my mind else where.

    Later that day when I got home from school, I don't remember how it all happened, but we ended up heading down the road a few miles to check up on his family to hear what was actually happening. I went inside to see him, and me as quite as I am didn't talk much to him, which I felt bad because his dad told me that he wasn't as talk active as he use to be due to everything that was happening, I don't remember all of what was happening so I can't say for sure if he was on medication at the time or anything like that.

     My mom and his were setting outside talking about the whole thing, my mom wanted to help out you know, and early that day- actually I remember a bit of why we went over in the first place, I wanted help, and I wanted to see how bad the situation was because it was unclear to me rather or not it was cancerous, either way I wanted to help. I was in a bit better of a mood when I got to see that he was doing decent. We were there were a while, so my mom and his could talk.

     We were heading home and I found out it was the unfortunate C. I was devastated, not to mention the fact if I am correct, it was a rare form of cancer. I stuck beside him from the beginning til the end. My mom and I tried the best we could to help support them for both emotional and financial cares. If wasn't a whole lot, but we set out donation cans, with their permission of course, and tried out very best to be there for their family. We got clearance from the school to sell t-shirt to help raise money. The friend we shared, his best friend wasn't going to help raise money for him. It was a task for him to spend a little bit for a good cause, that hurt me more than anything. Who dumps their best friend like that?

     This is where I stop for tonight, but through all that Thanksgiving came with little thanks to give for why someone was taken, but plenty of  thanks for what's been received, for another one of my friends hit a rough patch.