I'm going to tell the story of why I believe I'm terrified to answer the phone. I'm sure there are more than one and the reason I'm so unsure is because this thought always comes to mind when the phone rings. I'm not sure how much I have mentioned about phone in previous stories, so now is a good time to go over it, possibly again.
Whenever I was at school and heard the phone ring, I just knew it was about me, I had done something wrong even though I know I didn't. This story I'm about to tell explains why not only am I afraid to talk to someone over the phone but also why I just fear a phones. Land line phones to be exact. I don't answer the home phone unless I know it's my grandma, that's it. I will answer my cellphone on some occasions but most of the time I don't even see my phone ringing; I always have it on silent.
It was a dark stormy night... Oh wait, wrong story. Once upon a time? No no, that's not it either. Ah this is it! I had to of been roughly seven or eight, maybe younger. It's the only memory I really have around that age. Which is why I believe I was around seven or eight. I remember I little bit of kindergarten, but not much after that up until third grade.
I remember bits and pieces of my first and second grade years but not enough for a story, at least not yet. I'm hoping to go over bits of my past meaning I should hopefully remember things I've not thought about for year.
It was my bed time, I was either already in bed or I was getting ready for bed. Sad I can't even remember what I was doing up until this point. It was like watching a movie only I was there. Some may think I'm over thinking this or dwelling on it to much but I'm not. Out of all the memories i have, this is the one I remember like it was just yesterday. It plays a big roll in why I have the anxiety I do. I don't remember seeing my dad talking on the phone or even getting off it. All I know is he was furious. My older sister (step sister) appeared before, and all I hear is yelling. I don't remember where my sister was standing, or anyone except my dad.
My little brother must of already been in bed and my older brother (step brother) must have been elsewhere because I don't even remember them being in the middle of the dolor situation (hope I used that right). At first I was still trying to understand why my dad was as upset as he was, I still don't know. Next thing I know my dad slams the phone I didn't see still in his hand, on a small wooden shelf type of thing. It was thick wood or strong wood if I remember correctly. It my grandpas and it was given to my mom. I don't know if she got it before or after his passing. All I knew was it was treasured, at least from my understands it was.
The phone nor the shelf survived, we had to go out and replace the phone the next day or something like that. I was so distraught. I felt like everyone within the room was getting yelled at from that point. I started to cry and I believe that was the point it was final, I had to go to bed. I remember my dad telling my older sister she can either leave or stay. I don't even remember was the conditions were for her to stay if she had chosen that, she didn't. For a kid my age too witness seeing their dad that angry all sorts of thoughts come to mind. I thought I was going to get a spanking just for being there and not in bed like I was suppose to be. I do believe in a well deserved spanking, but not every time you get in the littlest bit of trouble.
Now that I am older I know of my dad and sisters relation. I had always though my dad acted the way he did because it was just who he was. But now I know the main reason was because my older sister sadly caused our parents a lot of havoc. Though I don't believe my dad actions due to the stress were justified, it's to late. The damage has already been done, and now I need medicine to do actives many other can do with little to no struggle.
I remember bits and pieces of my first and second grade years but not enough for a story, at least not yet. I'm hoping to go over bits of my past meaning I should hopefully remember things I've not thought about for year.
It was my bed time, I was either already in bed or I was getting ready for bed. Sad I can't even remember what I was doing up until this point. It was like watching a movie only I was there. Some may think I'm over thinking this or dwelling on it to much but I'm not. Out of all the memories i have, this is the one I remember like it was just yesterday. It plays a big roll in why I have the anxiety I do. I don't remember seeing my dad talking on the phone or even getting off it. All I know is he was furious. My older sister (step sister) appeared before, and all I hear is yelling. I don't remember where my sister was standing, or anyone except my dad.
My little brother must of already been in bed and my older brother (step brother) must have been elsewhere because I don't even remember them being in the middle of the dolor situation (hope I used that right). At first I was still trying to understand why my dad was as upset as he was, I still don't know. Next thing I know my dad slams the phone I didn't see still in his hand, on a small wooden shelf type of thing. It was thick wood or strong wood if I remember correctly. It my grandpas and it was given to my mom. I don't know if she got it before or after his passing. All I knew was it was treasured, at least from my understands it was.
The phone nor the shelf survived, we had to go out and replace the phone the next day or something like that. I was so distraught. I felt like everyone within the room was getting yelled at from that point. I started to cry and I believe that was the point it was final, I had to go to bed. I remember my dad telling my older sister she can either leave or stay. I don't even remember was the conditions were for her to stay if she had chosen that, she didn't. For a kid my age too witness seeing their dad that angry all sorts of thoughts come to mind. I thought I was going to get a spanking just for being there and not in bed like I was suppose to be. I do believe in a well deserved spanking, but not every time you get in the littlest bit of trouble.
Now that I am older I know of my dad and sisters relation. I had always though my dad acted the way he did because it was just who he was. But now I know the main reason was because my older sister sadly caused our parents a lot of havoc. Though I don't believe my dad actions due to the stress were justified, it's to late. The damage has already been done, and now I need medicine to do actives many other can do with little to no struggle.
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